more relatives

My friend Sarah has inspired me to try to get some thoughts down to clear out and make some sense of my foggy head.  And here I’ve been posting stupid things that belong in the minutiae of facebook.

So every family has one, the black sheep, the family fuck-up, the smackhead cousin, or some such addict or crazy person.  I just never thought I’d have one so close to me. 

I remember having a conversation years ago with my mom, when first family addict was going through a good spell of AA meetings and sobriety.  We discussed, for goodness sakes, would you stop going to those meetings every day and get into Real Life??  Like, maybe five years should be good enough to get you started, but now it’s time to get real and on with life.  Hey, you’re sober, what the hell are you doing stagnating yourself by going to those meetings all the time, socializing with those people all the time, that’s not real life, blah blah blah…  I am mortified that I even had this conversation with a long time recovering buddy.

Wow.  Have I done a 360 in MY thinking.  I am so embarrassed that I once thought that way, but it’s ok.  You do the best you can with what you have at the time. Who knew I’d get such a thorough education years down the line?

What I have now is another addict, my very own alcoholic, who I WISH would go to a meeting.  Ever.  And I have myself, in my own recovery through Al-Anon.  I totally get it now, about the meetings, the camaraderie, the nodding of heads as you share in a meeting, the instant understanding you get from your fellow support group cronies.  The serenity.  While I’m almost never absent from one group I attend, if I miss my additional weekly Al-Anon meeting more than a couple of weeks, I can feel the crazy coming on.  I almost have to talk myself down; I consciously have to remember my tools to quiet the monkey chatter. 

I’m getting better at it.  I feel strong and have good self-esteem today.

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Oh.  By “sugar”, we’re talking candycakeandcookies.  Not ice cream (once a week only!).  Just sayin.